"In Recovery" vs. "Recovered"

One person I had this discussion with said that she could recover from a bullet wound, but that would not mean she was bullet proof. My answer is that she never was bullet proof.

Are you in recovery? Recovering? Or are you recovered? What is the difference?

According to www.164andmore.com, a concordance of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, the word “recovered” appears 20 times in the first 164 pages, the heart of the book that remains unchanged since 1935 and the section that is treated by adherents as gospel. However most people, myself included, use the term “in recovery." This is one of the oldest debates in the recovery community. Many will dismiss it as semantics; and perhaps at the end of the day it is; however the concepts behind it are worth examining.

There are many compelling arguments on both sides of this debate. Paradoxical as ever, the Big Book goes on to say on page 85 that “We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” And this idea of being cured seems to be central. If one is recovered, or cured, does that mean he can drink or use normally? An old AA joke goes, “If I could drink normally, I would get drunk every day.” We have constructed lofty and elaborate definitions of recovery, designed to be all-inclusive and inspiring. The basic definition, however, is simply a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength. The word “normal” is loaded and problematic in the world of recovery, as is the wordcured. Pax Prentiss of Passages Malibu, who disavows his previous status as “addict” and promotes the Passages “cure” is the subject of ridicule in many recovery circles. Why is his claim so audacious, and why does it draw such vitriol? Upon reading his book, The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure: A Holistic Approach to Total Recovery, one discovers that the “cured” person still can’t drink or use, and still works on the same things that other people in recovery work on (albeit in a more luxurious setting). The difference is simply the language that is used. The Passages program has chosen to remove one more aspect of stigma from their depiction of recovery. Sure, Pax relapsed, but so did millions of others. He is reviled because he dares to claim the prize that we all covet!

One person I had this discussion with said that she could recover from a bullet wound, but that would not mean she was bullet proof. My answer is that she never was bullet proof. Why does being recovered have to mean that we are superhuman, impervious to drugs and alcohol? The idea that being “cured” or “normal” means being able to use without consequence is perhaps a fanciful and revealing error in thinking on the part of former addicts.

Many of us have a superstitious prohibition on the past tense recovered because, after all, what happens if we relapse? No one wants to have to explain that. So, just in case, we leave open the possibility, and instead describe recovery as a lifelong process, a struggle, a fleeting and fragile state. We sell ourselves short to avoid embarrassment. We are taught that, as soon as we think we’ve got it, we are the closest to losing it. What a mindf#ck! Unfortunately, some do relapse; but imposing this self-fulfilling prophecy on every person in recovery creates second-guessing and self-doubt that many are better off without. When the legion of Narcotics Anonymous, the original outcasts of recovery, exclaim, “We Do Recover” and then the newcomer learns that it is "Just For Today," what message does that send? Do we recover or not?

No one is bulletproof. No one is impervious. And, as we in recovery are so fond of pointing out, no one is normal. We are all people; nothing more and, I maintain, certainly nothing less. Whether one defines recovery in terms of spiritual enlightenment or simply a return to normal functioning; a restoration of sanity or a new brand of eccentricity; whether recovery for you means abstinence, maintenance, or harm reduction: the assertion that you must live forever in a purgatorial state of recovery is stigma at work. Recovery must be fully attainable; it must be claimed, and owned, without strings attached. Just like any prize, it can also be lost; but perhaps if we could possess it, even for a short while, its allure would hold us longer.

Mindfulness Meditation in Recovery

Using Mindfulness in Recovery from Addiction

When people are in the early months of recovery, they often experience a kind of mental fuzziness. They may struggle to think clearly as their mind adjusts to life without substance abuse. This is also a time when their emotions are erratic. Those who fail to cope with these challenges in early recovery are more likely to relapse. Mindfulness meditation can be a great tool at all stages of sobriety. It gives people more control over their emotions and increases mental clarity.

Mindfulness Meditation Defined

Mindfulness involves purposely paying attention to the present moment. It also involves being aware of thoughts, feelings, and emotions as they occur without being carried away by them. Mindfulness is a non-judgmental form of observation.

Mindfulness is known as sati in an ancient Pali (a language from India). It is a key tool for Buddhists who are trying to reach enlightenment and involves three elements: awareness, attention and remembering. The individual needs to be aware of the object they wish to focus on. They then need to focus their attention on this object and remember to keep it there.

The Benefits of Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness has been traditionally been of interest to people following a spiritual path. In recent years it has become also popular with individuals who would not be considered spiritual seekers. This is due to the growing interest in the following health benefits of mindfulness meditation:

* Mindfulness increases a person’s ability to manage stress. This is because the practitioner will be focused on the present and without worrying about the future. The individual becomes more aware of the tendency of the mind to anticipate future problems. Once this tendency is observed, it becomes easier to manage. A number of studies have demonstrated the effectiveness of mindfulness as a means to stress reduction. Stress is a contributing factor in many mental and physical diseases, so increasing a person’s ability to cope with stress is beneficial.
* People who practice mindfulness appear to suffer from less anxiety.
* Mindfulness is also believed to be beneficial in the treatment and prevention of depression. It works by allowing the individual to become free of their usual negative thought patterns.
* When people are mindful, they become far more aware of what is happening in their body. This means that they are able to notice the warning signs that arise when something is not quite right in physical or mental functioning. It allows the individual to take action to remedy a situation long before it becomes a noticeable problem.
* Mindfulness may increase a person’s ability to deal with pain. This is more easily explained by using the Buddhist metaphor of the two arrows. When people are hit by an arrow they will experience pain and discomfort. They will usually make things worse by allowing their mind to go into panic. This is like being hit by a second arrow, because it doubles the amount of discomfort they experience. An individual who is skilful at mindfulness will be able to avoid this second arrow.
* Mindfulness may enhance the body’s ability to fight off disease. It has been demonstrated that high levels of stress damage the immune system. This makes the stressed person more prone to illness. Those who regularly practice mindfulness should benefit from a much stronger immune response so they can more easily ward off invading infectious agents.
* People who practice mindfulness meditation are far more aware of their own thoughts. This leads them to make much better decisions. Those who are dealing with muddled thinking tend to make poor decisions that can negatively affect their life.
* Those individuals who are mindful begin to see that emotions are transitory in nature. They come and go. Strong emotions are easier to manage when the person knows that they will pass.

Mindfulness Meditation in Addiction Recovery

There is substantial interest in the benefits of mindfulness for people recovering from an addiction. Those who become sober need to face many challenges, and any tool that can help them do this is of great value. These are some of the benefits of mindfulness meditation for people in recovery:

* Early recovery is like an emotional rollercoaster. By practicing mindfulness, the individual will feel more in control and better able to deal with the highs and lows.
* Cravings usually continue to arise in recovery. Mindfulness allows the individual to observe such thoughts without being carried away by them. People learn that they are not always responsible for their thoughts, nor do they have to be a victim to them.
* People who practice mindfulness will be better able to spot the warning signs that they are losing their hold on recovery. This way they will be able to avoid a relapse.
* This practice makes life in sobriety far more enjoyable. The individual is able to get pleasure from even the simplest things.
* Those who practice the technique find it easier to manage their interpersonal relationships. This is particularly important for people in recovery, who may have many damaged relationships and need to tread carefully.

Types of Mindfulness Technique

In order for people to develop a general level of increased mindfulness in their day-to-day life, it is beneficial to establish some type of formal practice. Almost any activity can be used for increasingly mindfulness, so long as the individual is able to devote their full attention to it. Here are some of the most common activities:

* Traditional meditation, in which the individual focuses on their breath or a similar action. In Buddhism, there are ten recommended objects that people can focus on.
* Moving meditation such as Tai Chi or yoga can be used to develop mindfulness.
* Mindful eating involves paying complete attention to the process of eating. This technique can be particularly useful to people who are trying to control their weight.
* Walking meditation involves giving full attention to the process of walking.

Mindfulness of Breathing

Mindfulness of breathing is one of the most effective techniques for developing mindfulness. Every human breathes so there is no need to need to buy any special equipment. There are different ways of practicing mindfulness of breathing, but it is best to start off with a simple technique. These are the steps of mindfulness meditation:

* Sit comfortably with the back straight. It is not necessary to sit in the lotus position, as sitting upright in a chair will do.
* The meditator begins by taking a couple of deep breaths to relax their body.
* They then allow their breath to return to normal and should not try to control it in any way.
* The goal is to now to simply observe the breathing. This involves being aware of the sensations caused by the breath as it moves through the body. People may choose to label the effect that breathing has on their body by silently repeating rising and falling.
* The mind will regularly wander away from the breath, which is normal. The job of the meditator is to continue bringing their attention back.

Things to Consider When Practicing Mindfulness Meditation

Here are just a few of the things that people should consider when practicing mindfulness meditation:

* There are many books, videos, and audio materials dedicated to mindfulness practice. These resources can be helpful but the technique is quite a simple to learn. The real difficulty is putting this knowledge into practice. Reading books on the subject can just be a way to avoid being mindful. Unfortunately, it is not possible to benefit from mindfulness by just thinking about it.
* It is best to set aside a daily time of formal meditation. This can begin at 20 minutes per day and build from there. Those who are especially busy may find it easier to split this into two ten-minute sessions.
* New meditators can become alarmed to discover just how much mental chatter goes on inside their brains. This distraction can make it difficult to remain focused on the present. Some people assume that this means they are no good at meditation, but it actually means the opposite. If they hadn’t attempted to be mindful, they would not have noticed the insistent chatter that going on in their head.
* When the meditator notices that they have become lost in thought, they should not become angry. Instead, they should focus on feeling happy that they noticed their own lack of focus. It is a good sign.
* It is recommended that people find an experienced mindfulness meditation teacher. There are many interesting paths to take in this practice, and it is easy to get lost without a guide.

Oct 30th Daily Meditation: Truth

Truth
“The truth that makes men free is for the most part
the truth which men prefer not to hear.”
Herbert Agar

I spent thirty-five years of my adult life running from the truth. It wasn't until I came to OA and began to work through the Twelve Steps that I had enough emotional support to turn and face the truth. What is my truth? I am a food addict.

Once I was able to face and accept that truth, surrender to my Higher Power was immediate. At long last I was free of cravings, free of bingeing, and free of obsessive food thoughts. That freedom allowed me to work toward the goal of becoming the person I had always wanted to be.

The way I see it, I can be an addict in recovery or I can be an addict in hell. I choose recovery.

One day at a time...
I will seek the truth in my life by working the program of recovery.

Learn How to Stop Drinking | 5 Steps Towards an Alcohol-Free Life

October 21, 2014 by Brittany

Alcohol is a legal, easily accessible substance and is often a major presence in many social settings.

Temptation and peer pressure play a strong role in alcoholism, making the journey to overcome this particular addiction long and often difficult. Overcoming alcoholism requires commitment. In addition, there are a number of steps one can take to achieve sobriety and happiness.

1. Prepare for change. Once a decision has been made to get sober, clear and realistic goals should be set. Overcoming alcoholism can be a difficult task, especially if lifestyle changes are not made to support sobriety. One major component of quitting alcohol is ensuring that those around you are aware of your newfound commitment. This includes setting boundaries and expectations. It is important to garner help and support from loved ones through the recovery process. Separating yourself from those who enable you and your addiction is also extremely important.
2. Achieve sobriety safely. Depending on the duration of time in which you’ve used alcohol and the amount of alcohol consumed, you may have become physically dependent on it. In this case, achieving sobriety is not just a matter of quitting . Instead, quitting alcohol includes withdrawal symptoms that may be potentially life-threatening. Withdrawal symptoms may begin to manifest within hours of being without alcohol and can last for days. Be aware of common withdrawal symptoms such as headaches, shaking, nausea and sweating. Also, be aware of more severe symptoms such as fever, hallucinations and seizures. Depending on the severity of alcohol withdrawal symptoms, you may require a medical detox to safely abstain from use.
3. Plan for triggers. While you are working through recovery, it is important to remember that you will experience triggers and cravings. It is critical to begin developing healthy coping mechanisms for the triggers that may have previously driven you alcoholic behavior. By doing this, you will have a better chance of avoiding relapse. Triggers can include anything from people and places to stress. Practice saying “no” to social situations and peer pressure that may discourage sobriety.
4. Get support. Regardless of the path you choose in achieving sobriety, it is important to have support along the way. Recovering from addiction with others can make the process easier. Whether it is through building a sober social network, relying on friends and family or engaging with a recovery community, people can provide encouragement and much-needed guidance that is critical in recovery. Joining recovery groups and attending meetings can provide great benefits. Recovering with others who share similar experiences can make the process less isolating.
5. Consider treatment. In addition to support groups, professional treatment may be necessary. Alcohol rehabilitation programs physical, mental and emotion support. Quitting alcohol is more than the physical act of not drinking; it is a lifestyle change that requires commitment. Treatment centers can also provide support if you struggle with a co-occurring disorders that fuel addictive behaviors. Receiving treatment for mental health disorders simultaneously improves the success of alcohol rehab and greatly reduces the likelihood of relapse.

There are a number of reasons to quit alcohol and live a sober life. In addition to the physical and mental benefits of living a sober life, sobriety can improve your relationships with others and heighten your quality of life. If you are considering quitting alcohol, there are a number of resources available to assist you in the process. The most important piece of recovery is understanding that it is lifelong process and you may experience setbacks. If you experience relapse, it does not mean you’re a failure or that you will never achieve your goals. Relapse is simply an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and recommit to your goals of achieving sobriety. Regardless of the recovery path you choose, it is important to reduce temptations while committing to living an enhanced, sober life.

Managing Love In Recovery: 5 Ways To Make It Work

Written by Lindsey Glass

Romance is tricky for everyone. But for people in recovery from any kind of addiction, some extra tools for managing feelings and behavior can be extremely useful.

Here are 5 ways to apply principles of recovery philosophies and programs to foster healthy, romantic relationships. And they're not just for people in recovery. Anyone would do well to consider them.

1. Be Clear About Your Needs And Expectations From The Beginning. 

This is not to suggest you ask for someone's tax returns, medical history and intentions about the future on the first date. But establishing ground rules for how you will behave to each other will set the tone from the beginning. For example, my friend Kate likes to be picked up for a date and is a vegetarian. But when she started dating her last boyfriend she didn't ask him to pick her up and didn't make her vegetarian needs known. After months of not having anything to eat on the menu, and traveling solo to dates she finally said something to her boyfriend. By then he didn't feel he needed to pick her up or change his eating habits. While it would have been nice if he'd adjusted his behavior because she asked him to, he wasn't totally at fault because she hadn't told him it mattered to her.

2. Be aware of your behavior.

Part of learning how to live in recovery is being able to be self-aware about your behavior. How do you appear to other people? How do you sound to other people (particularly when you might be irritated)? And how do your moods affect other people? The key to sober reference is being able to look at what's going on, see your part, and be informed about how you think, act, or react, so you can adjust in the future. My colleague John became aware in his sobriety that the mean tone he heard his father use towards his mother when he was growing up is the same tone he used towards his wife when he was angry. Once he realized, he nipped it in the bud quickly because he knew the damage it had caused his mom and him.

3. Be vigilant about your recovery routine or needs

It is said in recovery circles that nothing upsets the balance more than romance and finances. Now, more than ever, you're going to need your emotional sobriety to handle romance bumps. So this is not the time to start skipping meetings, yoga, or church. Whatever keeps you calm and happy is more critical than ever. My friend Janet actually doubles her meetings and work out schedule when she's deep in a relationship. She says she can't take the chance of letting her jealous nature take over and between the meetings and the work-outs she keeps her mind and her temper in check.

4. Keep Family Out Of It

I'm close with my family, but that doesn't mean I should be discussing every detail of my relationship with them. Family members see things in a protective way. Once they get an impression about your partner, it's very hard to change their mind. My friend George has a protective sister, Ally. Every time George tells Ally about the bad behavior of this girlfriend, Jen, Ally inevitably gets in a fight with Ally. Then Ally and George get in a fight. And everyone suffers. Lessen the drama, George! Talking to a sponsor or an impartial friend would be much a safer thing to do for everyone involved.

5. Give Them Time

Patience is not the greatest virtue bestowed on people with alcohol or addiction problems. There is a huge desire to get what you want or know what's in the future. Control isn't possible. Forget about it. The cooler you are the better it will go. My friend Keith constantly asked his girlfriend, Marty, where they were headed. He was ready to get married but Marty wasn't. The pressure of his asking over and over eventually tore them apart. Marty later told Keith she did want to marry him, but his inability to stay calm made her think he wouldn't be a good life partner for her. Marty was super relaxed, and she was concerned he'd be pushy about everything. Turn things over and let them go. Don't stress yourself or your partner. With time the end result is better. As my mentor used to say, fast on, fast off....

The story of a student in recovery

This is the story of a student in recovery here at the CRC whose name will remain anonymous.

                I had my first drink when I was Thirteen years-old. I had never had alcohol before nor had I had the desire to. The idea of trying alcohol appealed to me at the time because I was just starting high school and had recently relocated to the research triangle area. These two drastic changes in my life were not the sole cause of my alcohol consumption, but rather because I was bored and had grown up in a society where media glorifies alcohol use. I decided I would slip into the kitchen and grab a beer from a case my dad had just recently opened. I grabbed it and quickly ran back to my room and locked the door. I didn’t know however, that warm beer tastes incredibly worse than cold beer. I took the first sip and instantly gagged; I ran to the bathroom and spit it out. Never the less, I still decided to try another sip hoping the outcome would be different. I wasn’t surprised that the result was the same, so I emptied the bottle into the toilet and hid it in my room. The next day, I thought I should try it again, hoping for the result to be different once again. But this time, I decided I’d put lemonade powder in it because I thought it would make it taste better. As soon as I poured some powder into the bottle, it started fizzing up and overflowing out of the bottle. I ran to the bathroom and tried to take a sip and then dumped it into the toilet again. I went and hid the bottle right next to the other one behind my bed. Later that week, my father found the bottles and erupted in rage threatening to kick me out if I did it again. I was grounded for a few weeks after that; this was the first of many consequences I would face during my active addiction.

            A few months later, I decided to try smoking weed. I could see how it was used blatantly in high school and wanted to know what all the hype was about. I was offered it for the first time near a local gas station, where a drug dealer pulled into the parking lot and offered it to me and my friends haphazardly. I decided to buy some and my friends and I tried it that night in my bathroom with the window open and fan on to extinguish the smell. It was my first time smoking and I didn’t want to get too high or wake up my parents by acting juvenile, so I only took two puffs. It was enough to feel dizzy for a few minutes but I did not get high. My friend however had smoked the entire bag and was running around my house acting extremely irresponsible. I had to quiet him down many times before I just locked him in my room. I was completely blind to these ill-effects even though they were right in front of me. I tried smoking weed another time after that, and didn’t get high again. The week after that, however, one of my friends invited me over to smoke K2. I didn’t know what K2 was at the time or of how dangerous it was. I figured since it was legal that it couldn’t be that bad. My friends had explained to me that it was just like legal weed. As soon as I smoked it, my lungs felt like they were on fire and I was in immense pain. None the less, I hit it again when it was passed backed to me, with the same result. A took about two minutes for it to kick in. I felt amazing. I had never felt anything like it before. All my problems and worries faded away and I began to enjoy life. I remember thinking to myself, that if this was what being high was like that I would do it again and often.

            At the beginning of my use I was already making limitations to try to moderate my use. I didn’t know that normal people don’t have to do this, but I knew I didn’t want to get caught. At first I told myself that I would only get high once a month. When the next weekend came, I got high again and told myself I would only get high on the weekends. For about a month I was able to only get high from Friday through Sunday. There came a school day when I did not have homework and my friend had invited me over to get high. I decided that this would be the exception, the only weekday I used. I used again the very next day, harboring the same excuse. My use progressed into smoking pot 4-5 times a week, drinking here and there. I preferred to smoke because it was “safer” than alcohol, which I had convinced myself was the devil. This was only to validate my marijuana use, as I still did drink once in a while.

            I will never forget the look on my parents faces when they discovered my use. It happened in late fall, when my sister somehow found out that I was hanging out with a drug dealer. She informed my parents and I got a call from my mom immediately. I was at that friend’s house when I got the call; she asked “are his parents home?”

I replied “No, but his older brother is.”

My mother stated with genuine concern “Your sister told me that him and his brother sell and use drugs.”

I believe this was the first time I directly lied about my use to her; I told her “Oh no mom, that’s not true. His brother used to do drugs but he doesn’t anymore. We don’t do anything like that.”

The call ended shortly afterwards. About ten minutes later, the doorbell rang. I looked out the window and I saw my mom’s car parked outside. I frantically gave all my paraphernalia to my friend and put on cologne to cover the scent of smoke. I answered the door and my mom insisted that I come with her. I asked her why and she responded by saying “his parents aren’t home and it isn’t safe to be there.” I could already hear the desperation in her voice. I do not recall if I argued with her about it or not, but I got in the car and went home. The primary reason was that we were out of drugs and if I stayed we would just be sitting around doing nothing. We got home and I went up to my room.

            Later that day, I was sitting on the computer and out of nowhere my dad comes and sits down next to me. He starts talking about how when he grew up out of the country with a well-off family, he never had the chance to try smoking weed. He went on about how one of his old bosses used to and that he never tried it but would want to now. I should’ve known something fishy was going on, but the idea of my dad and I getting high together had already been instilled in my head. I lied to him and said that I had never done it but if he wanted some I knew where to get it because a lot of people smoke at school. Later in the night we discussed it more, and I decided to confide in my dad. I told him about my use. I told him about how alcohol was terrible and I had only tried it a few times. I told him about k2 and spice and that I had done that a few times as well but that I found out that it was very dangerous so I stopped using it. Lastly I told him about my marijuana use. I glorified it and its properties. I told him how it makes me genuinely happy, that it helps me deal with my sleep issues, that there are many more medicinal benefits, and that it is harmless because it is “just a plant.” He sat there listening silently and if I could have seen his face I would have seen great disappointment in himself and I. He blamed himself for my use; he thought it was his fault and that he should’ve spent more time with me when I was growing up. Although he had done a great job raising me, I convinced myself he had not been there for me when I was growing up.

            He said he was ok with my use, even though he was not, and that his only condition was to tell my mother. After pleading with him not to make me tell her, I finally caved. In my head I thought that if he said my use was ok that she would too. I went at sat my mom down, and I told her about my use. I felt terrible; I was felt guilty and disappointed in myself. I thought I had let my mom down. As I talked to her I broke down in tears, and as my mom comforted me and told me it was ok she told me I was grounded indefinitely. I thought that the punishment was reasonable, until I hit one month of being grounded and I expected to be ungrounded. I started pleading with my parents every day and they told me to wait. My grounded ended up lasting three whole months. Although I had felt guilty about what I did, I couldn’t admit to myself that it was wrong. I still thought that smoking weed was ok. During my grounding, I ate pot brownies twice at school. I didn’t think a thing about it, especially not that I was doing what I had been grounded for in the first place.

            After three long months I was finally free. Earlier I was funding my use through money my mom gave me for lunch and to go out to eat with my friends. However, since I had broken her trust I wasn’t receiving any money from either of my parents. I had no money except $100 dollar I had received for watching my friend’s dog for a week while he was out of town. The first thought I had when I was ungrounded was to go get high but play it safe this time because I couldn’t get caught smoking again. I did not think about using once but using consistently once a week. I could only think of one way to fund my use and that was through dealing weed. I used the $100 dollars I had to get started. I never made a profit, in fact most of the time I was short on money. I kept using more than I had promised myself I would use from my own stash. I kept buying the same amount weekly and coming up short every week. I would short people so I could get more money for fewer products. I even got robbed twice, but that did not stop me from selling and using more. I had collateral and I was able to start up again.

            During this time, I was blatantly advertising that I was selling weed. I had to get customers after all if I wanted to be able to fund my use. The staff started becoming aware of what was happening and one day I was pulled out of class by the administrators. They took me to their office and told me that they were informed anonymously that I was selling weed. I lied directly to them and said that it was a lie and that I had no idea why someone would make that claim. They went along with it and searched my backpack and found nothing. They still however called my mom to tell her what had happened even though nothing was found. My mom was skeptical about whether or not I was using again. This time my sister was on my side and backed me up. My mom backed down and told my dad what happened later. My dad confronted me about the incident and I lied to him about it as well. They decided to drug test me but I kept arguing that they don’t trust me and they need to take my word for it. The situation blew up. There was total chaos, we were all yelling and my dad had lost it. I left the house and came back to the police in my living room. They said they couldn’t force me to take the drug test so I told them I would take it so they would leave. As soon as they left I started arguing that I wasn’t going to take it again. They told me I was grounded again.

            The next day I went to school and then to my friend’s house for a sleepover without my parents’ permission. When my mom picked me up the next day and told me I wasn’t allowed to sleepover, I told her that she had given me permission earlier. She countered that the events of last night preceded everything else.

            After extensive research, my father thought it was a good idea to take me to a psychiatrist. We went to his office and did some testing. He declared that I had ADHD and that I needed to be treated for it. He said he would only give me the medicine if I was clean. I lied and said I was and when he handed me a drug test I filled it up with water. When he came back to the room, he asked me if I thought he was stupid. He showed my parents the inconclusive results and told them what I had done. I argued my case that I had drunk a lot of water today and although I had, that was not the reason the results were inconclusive. We went back home in the same condition. My parents we worn out, they didn’t know what to do, and I was lying to cover up my use even though they already knew the truth.

            I stayed clean for a month before we returned to the psychiatrist. This time I passed the drug test fairly. The only reason I had stayed clean the past month was because one of my friends had told me that you can get high off ADHD meds and I was eager to try them. As soon as they put me on a stimulant, my use went out of control. Although I was taking the medicine as prescribed, I was also drinking excess caffeine to increase the kick of the high. Through the entire time I was on it, I was sure that I was doing nothing wrong. After all, I was taking it as prescribed, the doctor never said anything about caffeine, and I wasn’t breaking the law.

            This stage in my life lasted for a little over four months. Then I became friends with someone who did well in all their classes and whom the teachers liked as well. It also turns out that he was an addict, although neither of us knew it at the time. He told me about his use and the appeal of my old lifestyle returned to me. I decided to hang out with him and we used together. I didn’t use for about three weeks after that because I did not want to get in trouble with my psychiatrist if I got drug tested. I then found out that my father decided that we weren’t going to return to him. As soon as I heard that, I put two and two together and realized that I wouldn’t be drug tested anymore and that meant I could use again. My use started with me stealing a decent amount of weed from a close friend. I had convinced him it would be better for me to hold onto it and he believed me. I later told him my parents found it and that I was in trouble. He wasn’t mad at me at all so I didn’t think twice about the lie I had just told. Instantly with the first use I went back to using daily. Then I started selling videogames or anything I could so I could make money to fund my use. My use progressed from a daily thing to using four or five times a day. I was making straight A’s and I was hanging out with a good crowd of kids so my parents didn’t suspect anything. When I look back at this time period in my life, I remember how much fun of I was having and thinking that I had everything I wanted in life. I started dealing again to make more money to fund my use. Again, I didn’t make a profit and when I did it would go right back to funding my use. I felt great for those few months; I had my parents’ trust back, I was making more friends, staying in shape, making straight A’s, and I was always having fun through using constantly. Then my whole life got turned upside down.

            Through a series of many unfortunate events, my parents were confronted about my use. A person to whom I had sold weed to was caught with it by his parents. His parents found out where he got it from and came to my house to tell my parents. I was woken up by a text from my friend that read, “I’m sorry.” I had no clue what that meant until the doorbell rang. His family walked in and introduced themselves. They told my parents that they needed to talk to them. They all sat down in the living room and I was called down from my room. They placed a bag full of weed on the coffee table. All the parents started talking about how they had caught us with it before and we still didn’t stop. They asked me to bring my weed down so they could confiscate it. In a panic I went upstairs and got half my stash so they would believe I was done selling. I left the other half because in my head it made sense that if I stopped dealing and they weren’t suspicious anymore I would be able to smoke the rest of my stash. The parents decided to invite some of our friends’ families over and convene later. I sat through the next few hours knowing what was coming at 5pm.

            At 5, the family that had come over earlier came along with two of my close friends and their parents. Instead of trying to find a solution for the problem of drugs in high school, it turned into an intervention for me. I honestly do not remember what was being said because my head was so full of emotions. One of which was an unparalleled rage towards my father for bringing everyone together. Somehow I started to believe I had a problem and genuinely decided to stop using. I brought down the rest of my stash and all my paraphernalia. I felt a newfound confidence to quit with the help of all the support around me. I was determined and I didn’t think it would be a problem.

            Although I had stopped using, my parents still gave me punishment. They took my TV, my computer, my phone, and the door to my room. I was not allowed to leave the house. I complained I had nothing to do and they just told me to read books. I made it through each day, getting more and more bored and hopeless each day. This feeling was depression but I was unaware and I didn’t think someone so young could have depression. On the third day of lying in my bed with nothing to do, I made a decision. I did not want to live if I could not use drugs. Since I was on lockdown and I couldn’t use, I decided to take my own life. I went downstairs to the tallest doorway and hung myself off. I started to fade away; my vision started to disappear, I couldn’t hear anything except myself choking, and I felt the comfort of death coming over me. Fortunately, my mother was upstairs and she heard me choking. She ran downstairs and saw me hanging and stood in shock. My perspective changed; I couldn’t die in front of her. I wanted to relieve the burden of myself from my family, but if my mother saw me die it would hurt her even more. I tried to speak but my speech was unintelligible. I was able to get out one word and repeat it hoarsely. “Chair.” My mother hurriedly put the chair from under me up and helped me down. I frantically left her and ran to my room in shame. She later told my dad what had happened and they took me to a mental institution.

            My experience in the institution was horrid. The therapy didn’t help at all and nobody understood me. My depression kept worsening and suicidal thoughts plagued my entire time there. The psychiatrist at the institution put me on an antidepressant and said it would take about four weeks to start working. As I returned to society, my depression worsened and I developed a crippling social anxiety that I had never felt before. I could not talk to anyone except those close to me and that was a struggle too. I became paranoid and felt that everybody could see me for who I was. I told the psychiatrist that it wasn’t working and they said to stay on it for another month to make sure it wasn’t helping at all.

            Two weeks later, I couldn’t take it anymore; I stopped taking the antidepressant. I felt terrible and I knew the one thing that could make me feel better. I started using like I had never before. I smoked weed every few hours, I drank anything with alcohol in it, started experimenting with prescription pills and cough syrup. Weed was my drug of choice but if I didn’t have it, I would down any substance that would numb my feelings. I did not care about consequences and did not try to hide my use. My parents would catch me high every few days. They didn’t know what to do. They wanted me to stop using but they didn’t want me to try to take my life again.

I kept using until they finally broke. They had had enough. My family confronted me after I had smoked in my room and told me to leave. I was dumbstruck; I didn’t know what was going on. When I finally comprehended what was happening, I started to beg them to let me stay. I broke down in tears because I didn’t want to be homeless. I begged them to let me stay and that I would go to rehab and pay for it from the money I had made from my part time job. After much begging I finally convinced them. They agreed to the terms and left me alone. I laid in my room unable to enjoy my high.

The next day, when I woke up I was stupefied by what I had said. I told myself, “What was I thinking?” I made the decision to move out because if I was homeless I would be able to use. I told my mother and sister and they were surprised but they let me go because they couldn’t have me in the house anymore, I was taking everyone’s life down with mine. I left and walked to my friend’s house. His mom was fine with me moving in and turned down my offer to pay rent. After a few hours, my dad came and told me to come home. Since he would not leave and I didn’t want to embarrass my friends family any longer I went back home. When I got home, I told them I would only stay if I was allowed to use because if I lived anywhere else I would be able to. They agreed to the terms because they were exhausted from fighting constantly.

I continued using heavily for the next two months. It all seemed to be going well with my family. I started needing to use more and more to get high and eventually that stopped working too. I would just get numb no matter how much I used. I wasn’t happy but I was able to live because I knew it would be a lot worse if I did not use at all. I started looking into harder drugs that would make me be able to get high again. I found some I was interested in and started inquiring about where to get them. About two months into my use, my dad told me that we had an appointment with a family counselor. I told him that I wasn’t going and he said I had agreed to going when they let me use. I don’t know if he was making that up or if I had genuinely forgotten, but I decided to go.

It turned out that the family councilor was a licensed clinical addiction specialist. I sat through the session and whenever it was my turn to talk I repeated over and over, “I don’t even know why I’m here,” “I don’t have a problem,” “I’m allowed to use,” “I can stop whenever I want, I just don’t want to.” We went home and I felt that I had won. After I left the councilor talked to my parents and asked them if there was anyone I would be willing to listen to. They told him that only my sister had any influence over me. I went next week to meet him with just my sister. He said that I should get into the intensive outpatient program so I could stop using. After seeing her desperation, I decided I would try to stop using but just for two weeks to see if the program actually worked.

My first day clean was July 20^th, 2013. I went to the outpatient program Three days a week for three hours each day. At first it was hell, but in the next few weeks something clicked in my head. I could relate to everything we talked about in group therapy. I finally realized that I was an addict. I started enjoying going to outpatient. My parents started giving me my privileges back. It felt great that we were getting along.

After a long three months, I was able to graduate from the phase 1 program. My graduation was extremely emotional. I ended up crying and thanking my parents and my councilors for helping me get my life back. I started phase two which was called aftercare. We would meet once a week for an hour. I went to a few meetings here and there. I did not enjoy them but I went because it was suggested. I understood that I was an addict and I wanted to be sober but I was miserable.

I lapsed twice and had one relapse that lasted three days. All these were on impulse, I did not actively want to use but I didn’t want to feel the feelings I was feeling. My clean date now is February 2^nd, 2014. I now understand that the reason I kept slipping up was because I did not have a program. After my last relapse, I was suggested to get a sponsor. I was completely desperate and did not want to return to active addiction; this fueled me to do whatever it takes. I got a sponsor and started working the 12 steps. I started going to meetings every day and actually enjoyed going.

I have continued to work a program and I now have the most time clean I’ve ever had before. I can only thank my sponsor, the 12 steps, and AA and NA meetings. Being in recovery and working a program has made me a better person and has made my life manageable. I would not trade being in recovery for anything in the world.

What is the Treatment for alcohol addiction?

After being asked a few times on what is treatment? I found this article which describes treatment

http://maketheconnection.net

What is the treatment for alcohol addiction?BACK TO TOP

If you are having problems with alcohol, it doesn’t mean that you are weak or unable to change. Reducing the negative effects of your drinking by cutting down or quitting often takes more than willpower or good intentions. There are many effective resources and treatments that can help you quit. Veterans of all ages, backgrounds, and eras have gotten treatment for alcohol problems—and treatment works.

“Until I went in and talked to someone, I had no idea just how many areas of my life were being affected by booze. I feel so much more in control of my life now – almost everything was very repairable.”

Your doctor may decide you need detoxification (detox) 

before you start treatment. Alcohol detox uses medicine to help you safely stop drinking and manage the symptoms of withdrawal.

One of the most effective forms of treatment for problems with alcohol is therapy, either alone with a therapist or in a group, and sometimes in conjunction with anti-addiction medications. Therapy can help you maintain your motivation to seek a better life, avoid occasions that may trigger abuse of alcohol, manage your cravings, and strengthen your relationships. Medications can help manage withdrawal symptoms and reduce your desire to drink. You and your doctor will work together to determine what combination of treatment strategies will work best for your situation.

Treatment doesn't just focus on alcohol; it also addresses ways to improve other parts of your life. Having satisfying relationships, work environments, and physical wellness can help you stay sober.

http://www.helpguide.org/

Drug addiction treatment and recovery 2: Explore your treatment options

Once you’ve made the decision to challenge your drug addiction, it’s time to explore your treatment choices. As you consider the options, keep the following in mind:

• There’s no magic bullet or single treatment that works for everyone. When considering a program, remember that everyone’s needs are different. Drug addiction treatment should be customized to your unique problems and situation. It’s important that you find a program that feels right.
• Treatment should address more than just your drug abuse. Addiction affects your whole life, including relationships, career, health, and psychological well-being. Treatment success depends on developing a new way of living and addressing the reasons why you turned to drugs in the first place. It may have been because of an inability to manage stress, in which case you’ll need to find healthy ways to handle stressful situations.
• Commitment and follow-through are key. Drug addiction treatment is not a quick and easy process. In general, the longer and more intense the drug use, the longer and more intense the treatment you’ll need. But regardless of the treatment program’s length in weeks or months, long-term follow-up care is crucial to recovery.
• There are many places to turn for help. Not everybody requires medically supervised detox or an extended stint in rehab. The level of care you need depends on your age, drug use history, and other medical or psychiatric conditions. In addition to doctors and psychologists, many clergy members, social workers, and counselors offer addiction treatment services.

As you seek help for drug addiction, it’s also important to get treatment for any other medical or psychological issues you’re experiencing. Your best chance of recovery is through integrated treatment for both the substance abuse problem and the mental health problem. This means getting combined mental health and addiction treatment from the same treatment provider or team.

When Friends Relapse

It’s not easy to watch the people you've been sober with decide to leave. But I've learned to not make it any harder than it already is.

Relapses happen. We all know it and many of us fear it. But watching a friend “slip” can be almost as hard as going through it yourself.

It might seem like the toughest part of a friend’s relapse would be watching the person revert to sad, old behaviors and seeing her life grow smaller and darker. But for me—and maybe this is selfish—the hardest part has been the fear it stirred in me: fear for their well being, of course, but also fear for the fate of our friendship and an anticipatory sense of mourning for the closeness we’d had. Somehow I just know, deep down, that nothing will ever be quite the same between us.

Miraculously, I've had only two good friends “go out” over the course of the seven years I’ve been in and out of program (but mostly in). The first was a high school friend, Miriam, when I had about a year of sobriety. It was difficult but I observed it from a distance of 3,000 miles, which helped soften the situation somewhat. 

After five sober years in AA (she’d been tossed in rehab after trying to kill herself with pills), Miriam simply decided she was…done. She’d never embraced the program despite the fact that, from an outsider’s perspective, it had visibly changed her life for the better by making her less anxious and self-destructive. She couldn't see those changes in herself—at least not the way I could (even from 3,000 miles away)—and she started drinking and popping pills again. Within months, she had gotten a bunch of plastic surgery, had a scary car accident after passing out behind the wheel and decided to dabble in becoming an escort on Craigslist. 

That all sounds extreme, I know, but it happened. Still, I don’t want to use Miriam’s story as a moralistic cautionary tale; I don’t actually subscribe to the AA party line that all addicts who go out are damning themselves to an inescapable future of jail, institutions, or death. That was not Miriam’s fate. She had a bad few months (um, see above), but eventually she resumed a life of non-sober pseudo-normalcy and she’s still alive and kicking—if not exactly a fount of serenity and bliss. 

Miriam’s decision to leave AA freaked me out, as you’d expect, because in some ways she had been a sober role model for me. I tried to convince her not to walk away; I tried to articulate all the positive changes I had observed in her from afar but she wasn't having it so I was forced to let go of the outcome I wanted. We remained friends and we’re still in regular contact, but I miss the shared sober common ground we used to have.

My experience with Miriam taught me perhaps the most important lesson to be gleaned from friends’ relapses: No matter how hard we try, we can’t change their minds, so we might as well stop trying and instead step back and try to be an impartial but supportive observer. Friends’ sobriety or lack of sobriety is not up to us. In fact, it has nothing to do with us. It doesn't matter how much begging or pleading we’re tempted to do; the sanest thing to do when watching a friend relapse is to try to gently disengage from your feelings about the matter. (Easier said than done, I know.) But unless it directly threatens your own sobriety, being a good friend means being there for your relapsing buddies—even if it’s just to listen—during their weakest times.

I learned that lesson the hard way after going through a relapse myself. In 2010, after almost four years of sobriety, I decided to try “moderate” drinking again. My father was dying of cancer, I lived on the opposite side of the country and I felt like I absolutely couldn't go on without something, anything, to numb my constant, all-encompassing anxiety. I was a mess and in the worst kind of fear I’d ever known. I talked about my decision with my therapist and told my friends I was thinking about drinking. It wasn't sudden; it wasn't like I suddenly gave in to a random urge for wine with dinner. Regardless, I was disheartened to find that some of my sober friends seemed to vanish when I started drinking again. A few of them did stick around and continue to hang out with me, never judging me or pushing me to come back; they just stepped back, listened and we continued to do the old ordinary things we used to do: dinner, coffee, movies. The gentle support and lack of judgment I got from those friends meant so much to me, especially because I felt super-disconnected and isolated without a program to tie my days together. After about six months of supposed “moderation” (um, or not), I stopped the experiment and rejoined San Francisco’s sober contingent..

And then I had to re-learn the lesson of disengaging from my own feelings about a friend’s relapse again when another friend, Lisa, decided to pick up. We both had about two years of sobriety at the time and were both prone to anxiety, depression and discomfort. We were close: we texted each other all day long, about stupid things, big things, “meh” things, life. During the period when we were the closest, we were both between jobs and lived just a few blocks away from each other. So we would meet up often, grab coffee and aimlessly walk around San Francisco, taking her dog up to Bernal Hill, snapping dumb photos of each other posing in the park or hovering beside weird signs. She was one of the few truly close friends I had in the program—one of the only ones I could imagine having been friends with in my old life, before I got sober.

I didn't crave alcohol anymore. But I struggled with the program: I never felt fully at home there. The God stuff was gross to me; I felt like I was faking it. I smiled and nodded when people talked about faith in a Higher Power; I didn't share that faith but I knew I was “supposed to” so I kept my ambivalence hidden. Lisa felt the same way. I felt less alone when I was with her. 

One night she called me, telling me she was suicidal and wanted to drink. She had recently gotten out of a painful relationship with a guy who’d betrayed her. I knew she was having a rough time but I couldn't fathom the idea that she might turn her back on sobriety altogether. That night, Lisa sounded…bad. Desperation rising, I begged her to stick around, telling her that no matter how shitty she felt, she would absolutely not feel better by drinking over it. I believed wholeheartedly that alcohol would only make her problems worse. She wasn't buying it and my sense of panic—“I’m losing her!”—continued to build as she explained that she needed to drink to avoid killing herself. By the end of that phone call, she had begun drinking again. That was about four years ago. She’s still out there.

Our friendship changed after that, of course. At first she made feeble attempts to stop drinking again; I’d pick her up and take her to meetings while she reeked of booze. But soon it became clear that Lisa didn't really want to come back. She’d chosen alcohol and her old, crazy, more exciting version of life. I tried to hold onto our friendship but she didn't call or text as often; within six months or so, we were barely in touch at all. That wasn't my doing or my intention; she just suddenly seemed so slippery and impossible to pin down. So eventually I gave up and let go. She abandoned almost all her sober friendships—looking back now, I imagine it must have been hard for her to stay close with her AA friends while drinking and using. I’m sure it felt at least a little bit awkward and I suspect she worried about being judged (or 12-stepped). Hanging out with her when she was drunk—even if it only involved taking her to a meeting—felt weird and somehow wrong to me, too. I haven’t seen her in a couple of years now.

And yet, despite all my initial fear and doubt about my friends’ decisions to drink, it never really made me question my own resolve to stay sober. I've been hovering around the rooms long enough now to realize that though it will never be easy to watch a friend go out, it’s not about me and it’s in my own best interests not to make it that way. I can stay supportive without letting myself get too attached to one specific outcome. I may be upset, even devastated, when friends leave sobriety behind, but that doesn't mean I have to do anything about it. 

Posted on thefix.com by Laura Barcella

Repel for Recovery is Coming to Charlotte!

https://secure.shatterproof.org/page/content/charlotte-2014/

Register Now!! We are super excited to be able to get these amazing opportunities! Some of us here got the opportunity through Young People In Recovery to repel in Hollywood last year and now we can do it right here in Charlotte!



The Funds Raised are going to support Young People In Recovery. Being in Recovery myself I have found the younger you get clean and sober the more opportunities and chances you get at this new beautiful life! Even if going down the side of the building isn't your calling come out volunteer, bring your family and friends and meet some amazing young people!

Please check out this booster GET YOUR SHIRT NOW!!!
https://www.booster.com/ypr-conference-fundraiser

Omar Manejwala on Craving

Tomorrow Dr. Omar Manejwala will be speaking to the students here at UNC Charlotte's CRC!
We are very excited that he will be sharing on his book Craving! 

Short Background:

•  Psychiatrist with a background in addiction medicine, leadership and healthcare innovation.
•  Expert on cravings.
•  Passionate about helping those struggling with addictions.
•  Graduate from the University of Maryland School of Medicine, and was also  the executive chief resident in psychiatry at Duke.
•  Former Medical Director for Hazelden Foundation, and is currently the Senior Vice President and Chief Medical Officer of Catasys.
•  Has a unique ability to translate brain science into words that the general public can understand.
•  Passionate and experienced with healthcare innovation, addiction treatment, and behavioral science.

A little more about Craving:

A nationally recognized expert on compulsive behaviors explains cravings and gives us tools to achieve freedom from our seemingly insatiable desires by changing our actions to remap our brains.

​

When we find ourselves wanting something strong enough, we’ll do just about anything to get it—sometimes at the expense of our bodies, brains, banks accounts, and relationships. So why do we sometimes have the irrepressible feeling that we need something—such as food, cigarettes, alcohol, or sex— that we really just want? And how do we satiate that feeling without indulging it?

​

In Craving, Omar Manejwala, M.D., translates the neurobiology of this phenomenon into real and accessible terms, explaining where cravings come from and why we crave. He then gives us tools and guidance to find satisfaction without giving in to our cravings. Dr. Manejwala explains:

        How and why our brain drives behavior

        How to change the part of our brain that fuels our cravings

        The warning signs that craving is evolving into addiction

        Why craving is the most difficult component of addiction to address

        Why certain groups are so effective at helping to control cravings

Thank You Omar!

REBOUND: The Chris Herren Story

We are all very excited to hear what Chris has to say this coming up Friday night at Queens College!!! A group of students, friends and family are getting together to go see him. If you would like more information do not hesitate to call us here at UNC Charlotte's Collegiate Recovery Community.

Debbie Insley at 704‑687‑7414 or Carol Rose at 704‑687‑0813.

http://wellness.uncc.edu/collegiate-recovery-community-crc

RECOVERY 6K!

http://www.heroesinrecovery.com/heroes6k/charlotte-nc/


We will be helping host a 6k run for recovery!! All the proceeds will benefits UNC Charlotte's Collegiate Recovery Community!

Mission statement:

The Collegiate Recovery Community at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte provides a nurturing, affirming environment in which students recovering from addictive disorders can successfully pursue academic, personal and professional goals for the purpose of enhancing their quality of life and becoming productive members of society.

The Collegiate Recovery Community (CRC) at UNC Charlotte supports students recovering from addictions. We offer programming, resources, and activities that provide a pathway to both recovery and academic achievement. Our goal is to provide educational opportunities alongside recovery support to ensure that students do not have to sacrifice one for the other. The CRC can offer a “typical” college experience for students in recovery apart from the culture of drinking or use that is present on today's university campuses.

The CRC is a safe, supportive environment for students that are recovering from alcohol, drugs and/or other addictive disorders, located in The Student Health Center, room 121.We also welcome students curious about sobriety to explore, experience, and understand recovery at UNC Charlotte.

The Collegiate Recovery program offers weekly 12 step meetings, experiential activities, peer-mentorship as well as volunteer opportunities where sober students serve their community, build friendships, develop a solid support system, and build a lifetime of fun, happy memories. Need help navigating help on campus? The CRC also links students with other campus resources needed to succeed in school including advisors, tutors and mentors.

Volunteers are needed as well as runners/walkers and supporters! This is going to be just amazing to get everyone together for recovery!