Here is the truth… I had a lot of fun in active addiction. I laughed, I played, I joked, I met people, and I traveled. I found new insights on life, on the world, and on myself. I will never be the guy to act like drugs and alcohol was not a good time.
I will let you in on a secret. My social life in recovery is way more fun.
I don’t say this to come across pretentiously while sitting in a corner and pointing at all the people enjoying their drinks. They are free to drink, I don’t judge. I simply wish to portray the message to people, that the social life I have built in recovery, is more enjoyable than the one I had in addiction. It doesn’t even matter if people believe me or not. This is just how it is for me.
Let me be clear. When I mentioned the good time I had in active addiction, there comes a point where the fun stops. That point where recreational use turns into addiction. The fun is over, all there is left is anxiety. That feeling at 3 a.m. when all you can do is sit on the edge of your bed and stare at the wall. That feeling when you are getting your morning coffee, looking at all the people around you going about their day. I remember watching these people and wondering, “why do I feel this way? What do these people know that I don’t?” That part was not fun. It sucked.
My social life now is filled with subtle joys. My social life no longer consists of nights out, but rather a collection of moments that give me a life. Work, the dog park, the gym, reading a book and meeting a stranger, this is my new social life. I am a human, I am a social being. Why is it that we think social lives only happen on nights and weekends? It’s just not that way anymore. When building a social life in recovery, I have learned to enjoy all the moments. For me, I still go out, I can still go dancing, I can still do all those things. What’s important for me is to double check my intentions. If my intentions for going out are good, then I have nothing to worry about. Sometimes I can even trick myself, but the truth is I don’t struggle with that much. Life is meant to be enjoyed. I didn’t get sober to be bored.
The real blessing is something bigger than all of the details of our daily lives. The real joy is that now I am free to be myself. I can laugh, I can introduce myself to people, I can dance, I do all of the things I was too scared to do before. Now that I have my recovery, I have discovered an identity. It is so much easier to be social and to interact with other people when you better understand who you are. I still have insecurities, don’t get me wrong, but I find myself worrying less and less about what people think of me. I used to constantly second guess myself. Should I have said that? Do I look silly right now? Am I acting awkward? It was all fear. I still get nervous around people, but that fear no longer cripples me as it used to.
I am 100% honest and heartfelt in telling you that I have way more fun in sobriety than I did in my addiction. If for no other reason, it is simply because sobriety has given me the courage and the choice to do whatever it is I want. I am free to do whatever makes me happy… and that is a lot of fun.
